I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
