I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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