He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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