Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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