He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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