First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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