This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
