i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
