Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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