I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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