sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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