dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
