She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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