Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
