I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
