and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's the barista slut.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
