I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
