Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
