His pubic hair was longer than his dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
