Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
