we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
