Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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