this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
