apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
