You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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