you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
