Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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