I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
