very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Still dying that you shit outside
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
