Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
