You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
