he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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