Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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