that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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