so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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