I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
