I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
