Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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