If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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