What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
