I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
