Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
