i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
