i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
