WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
