Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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