so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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