I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
