bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
