I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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