every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
