ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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