My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
