How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
