Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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