Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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